Today at lunch we all talked about whether or not to send our respective kids to Catholic school. Now I will preface this with everyone at the table had been to Catholic school for at least one year, and may of us for all their schooling, so we all know what we were talking about.

I did not have a hard time with Catholic school, I went to public school k-8 and then Catholic High School. One thing I did realize that was different at this "college prep" school versus the public high school is that everyone there was there to LEARN. Not that public school kids aren't there to learn most of them are but not all of them.

I visited my friends highschool when I was a junior to help with registration (I don't' know what possessed me but I did it) and was shocked to learn that some of these students didn't even know what grade they were in. They were supposed to come up and get their ID cards and the cards were in alpha order by year - are you sensing the issue here. These teens would come up and say John Smith 10th grade. You would look in the 10th grade stack and nothing. Then he would say, "oh shit, I guess I flunked."

WHHHAAAAATTTT? is all I could think... and it happened more then I was, at age 16, comfortable with. Now in my high school if you flunked there was no way you were returning not because the school wouldn't let you but because of the humiliation. No one flunked - no one. Or if they did the school - in a very classic Catholic way either excommunicated the child and family never to be heard from again or out of guilt (another Catholic way) the family excused themselves and quietly slipped into the night.

The problem with Catholic school? Everyone expects you to be uber-good and pious. Ha to that! I meant more trouble makers in Catholic school then in public school. Want to know the big difference? The kids in the school for the learned are smart enough to NOT GET CAUGHT. That is right - they are smart, resourceful, and if they do get caught most of them have a lawyer parent that can get them out of trouble anyway.

It is my belief that you can get an education anywhere, whether you are public school or private school, but the learning environment can be very different.

So pick your poisen... education with stupidity or education with deviousness.


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Swimming Lessons

I remember swimming lessons that I took when I was a kid and I have to say I think we have become soft on our kids. I was scared to death of the deep end. Now I have to clarify why I was afraid of the deep end of the pool. I was 6 when Jaws came out and I was sure that he lived in the deep end of the pool. Knowing this irrational fear what did my instructor do? Slowly and gradually work me into the end of the pool? Logically explain that a great white couldn't fit in the pool? NO - she THREW me into the deep end.

Really - I mean threw me - she (wrongly) thought I would just get over it or see that there was no shark there. I swam furiously to the edge of the pool, scrambled out and walked straight over to her and promptly called her a beee-atch. To which my mom made me apologize to her. The indignity of it all - she tried to get me eaten by a shark the size of Manhattan and I had to apologize to her.

Yesterday I went to lessons with my son and they practiced getting in the water. I repeat they practiced just getting into the water. Then they got to voice an opinion as to whether they wanted to do something. The instructor asked them: "Do you want to blow bubbles in the water?" To which both boys said resoundingly "NO!" Since when did you get a choice? If this was 1978 the instructor would have just shoved their heads into the water, let them up for a gasp of air and then plunged them back down.

What, I mean what, has our world come to? A world where we allow kids to dictate the pace of their own learning? Where we allow them to voice a concern or a fear without reprisal. Where we shell out good money for them to refuse to do something the teacher asks? Where the teacher offers alternatives and patiently explains the things she is asking them to do?

I am half tempted to call my son's instructor a bee-atch.

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What to do with all those hard boiled eggs...

I only have one child and we have 14 eggs to eat. I imagine if you have more then one child you have double or triple that many. Besides deviled eggs and potato salad what are you going to do with them all?

My mother in law gave me a great breakfast recipe called Eggs a la Goldenrod. Sounds weird but it was delish and really easy.

First peal the eggs and separate the whites from the yolks. Cut up the whites into small pieces, put the yolks aside.

Make a cream sauce with the following:

2 tblsp butter
1 cup milk
1 tblsp flour
salt, pepper and paprika to taste
(you can add curry or something else to flavor it as it is rather basic. Be creative)
add in the whites and simmer for 10 minutes (or so)

make toast and cut into points

lay the toast on a plate pour the cream sauce over it

Rub the yolks over a strainer (sieve) over the place to give a yellow "dusting", you can add paprika as well to add color.

Pick up the toast by triangle to eat.

Also try a twist to regular deviled eggs by adding crab, or tuna to it. YUM!

Happy Easter!

Road Trippin’ with Kids

I have heard that traveling by car with children can be a lot of fun, or a lot of frustration. I am embarking on my first road trip with my son who is 3.5. We usually fly and there is enough excitement (and more recently fear) in flying in a plane that we can get away with a few fun new toys or games. So I started scouring the internet for some helpful hints. Here are some tips I found to make your travel time a success.

For older kids, print out a map showing the beginning and ending points, with larger cities marked. As you drive, have your kids mark off the cities or other landmarks on the map. This helps them see how far they have gone, how much farther you have to go, and teaches them about time and distance. It is also great to squash the “how much longer” questions.

For younger kids – which I think would be more challenging, here are some great ideas I found on all over the web:

-Wrap several little inexpensive toys and trinkets in gift wrap. Every hour or so, or when things are getting hairy, give the kids with a new "present" to unwrap.

-Wrap a lap tray in felt and place felt cutouts in a zip lock bag.

-Crawl in the backseat with them and read stories, count the red cars, and look at the cows.

-Leave at 4 am. This sounds horrible but then I am NOT a morning person, but many moms swear by it because the kids sleep for the first 3 to 4 hours of the trip.

-Buy some strange stuff for imaginative fun. Some ideas, aluminum foil, scotch tape, and bandaids, use your imagination here.

This one takes some preparation record yourself reading some of his/her favorite books. When you are in the car, hand him the book, cue up the iPod or CD and BINGO you are "reading" with them in seconds. A plus is to make sure you are familiar enough with the books to jump in and say stuff like "Are you on the page with the blue dinosaur on it?"

Of course, no road trip would be complete without snacks. Make a bag for each child with their own snacks inside. It is also fun to have some other treats stashed away that you can pull out when the kids are restless. Like lollypops, as one mom said (and I am quoting here) “they are great for shutting up pieholes!”. ;o)

On your rest stops and gass ups don't underestimate the power of doing "grown-up" stuff related to the trip. Checking tire pressure, looking at maps, pushing the buttons on the gas pump, looking for specific signs or landmarks are all good for breaking up the monotony of travel.

Lastly, a DVD player can be an easy way to entertain the kids while you are driving, but finding some family games and activities can help you bond with your children more and make the trip a better memory. If you have a DVD player in your car, try to use it as a last resort or at least don’t rely on it for all the entertainment.

Smiles, Monica

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Funny school photos

We just picked up our sons first school photo. He is in preschool so he is 3 ½. Now being that he is 3 we thought it would be prudent to talk to him about what was going to happen that day. As we dressed him we talked to him about the camera being there and it would probably be bigger then the one his Papa uses. As we combed his hair, just right, all the while knowing that in 5 minutes it would be a mess again, we practiced his smile.

He had the smile down, it looked good, very natural. He is a cute kid so how tough would it be to get a good picture. My husband and I dropped him off and said good luck. Then on the way home we wagered bets as to what would come out of the camera.

My husband had a hilarious story of a kid he taught that gave him a photo and, I am not lying, the kid was roaring. His hands up in full lion attack mode. As I wiped the tears away I started to think, maybe that is the photo I want. A photo where my son lets it all go, where he is himself, totally and unabashedly. A photo that will make everyone we give one to smile despite the kind of day they are having.

So I secretly hoped that when the camera man said smile my son pulled out his best “shrek” and stuck his tongue out, or crossed his eyes. This is what I got…

I have to say I am ok with it!

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Mama can I see it again? And Again? And Again…

After watching Kung Fu Panda for the 8th time this weekend I went to bed wondering why kids like repetition so much. Is it the familiarity, the consistency, the predictability? Well according to the experts yes.

I was thinking about it and was trying to put it in terms I could understand. And it came to me in a flash – Adults do it too. Think about the last time you went to a new restaurant and ordered the best dish you ever had. Then for the next few days that is all you can think about. A week or two later (when you can rationally tell yourself it is ok to go back to the restaurant) you go back and instead of ordering something new you order the same thing. Flash to the next 3 or 4 more times you go to the restaurant each time ordering the same thing. Why do you order the same thing? Is it a fear of having tried something new and being disappointed or knowing what we have missed, the predictability, the familiarity? Yep you betcha!

But then one day you order the other dish you have been eyeing only to discover it is better then the first dish you tried. HoooRAY! Now the next time you come will you stick with dish #2 or go for dish #3, or even back to #1? So many new options to choose from.

So adults have the rational that we could try something different and discover a new favorite where kids don’t have that experience. They love knowing what is coming next. They can predict it and there is comfort there. Yet they also know they like it and as they are driven by impulse, especially at age 2 through 4, they want it again and again to experience the same thrill over and over again.

What can you do? Well you can try to introduce a new dish, or you can sit back and watch Kung Fu Panda and memorize all the lines, and spend some time enjoying the experience with your kid.


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Step Parenting Pit Falls

I come from a home of step parenting gone wrong, really wrong. So to say I am jaded a bit by this subject would be an understatement. However, on doing my research and trying to be objective I did learn a few things about how easy it is to become a step parent and how hard it is to become a good step parent. I have to say I found some things that I think would have helped my family. These steps are for the parents, not the kiddos. Mostly because I am a big believer that the children need to be lead not forced down this path, by the biological parent and the step parent and it is the parent’s responsibility.

I wanted to go beyond the usual stuff. Of course you want to communicate, both with your spouse and with the children, of course you want to be honest, be flexible, and have patience. All of these things are the standard advice when doing the research. I want to give more both from the research and the personal side of it.

First things first: discipline. This is a touchy subject for anyone who was disciplined by a step parent. Kids can harbor some pretty harsh feelings if it is not done right. How do you do it, right, good question. Each family will be different but I think it is important to discuss discipline as a family. The new family unit should get together and discuss whether or not everyone is comfortable with the step parent garnering disciplinary powers. Sometimes it is the step P that is unwilling to discipline, preferring to be an “adult friend” or a “aunt/uncle type”.

Many studies I found said that it could take up to two years for a child to feel comfortable enough with a step P to accept discipline from them. Not to far off if you think that a biological parent you spend at least six months with your baby before discipline really kicks in. Step P’s have to build that trust first, then attempt authority. Some step Ps prefer to act as an advisor for the children rather then a disciplinarian.

Second: remember that you love your spouse enough to accept him/her with kiddos. You should respect your spouse enough to care for his/her kids. You don’t have to become their parent, you don’t have to be their friend but you do need to act like the adult and respect them. That will go a LONG way toward building the relationship. Remember the last time you started a new job? Did you jump right in and start bossing people around? Or did you get the lay of the land first and then make adjustments as needed. This approach is similar to how you might put together a blended family.

Lastly, try not to take things personally. Kids can be thoughtless and sometimes cruel without meaning to be, and in other cases they can be purposely cruel. How step Ps react is important. Sometimes a negative reaction to a child’s intentional slight will ignite a flame that may leave scars for years to come. Take a deep breath talk to your spouse on what you BOTH should do about it. A united front will send a message that respect needs to go both ways. As a step P you asked to become a part of this existing family, you need to take all the steps necessary for it to come together, don’t ask or demand the kids make all the effort, this could bread resentment.

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