Road Trippin’ with Kids

I have heard that traveling by car with children can be a lot of fun, or a lot of frustration. I am embarking on my first road trip with my son who is 3.5. We usually fly and there is enough excitement (and more recently fear) in flying in a plane that we can get away with a few fun new toys or games. So I started scouring the internet for some helpful hints. Here are some tips I found to make your travel time a success.

For older kids, print out a map showing the beginning and ending points, with larger cities marked. As you drive, have your kids mark off the cities or other landmarks on the map. This helps them see how far they have gone, how much farther you have to go, and teaches them about time and distance. It is also great to squash the “how much longer” questions.

For younger kids – which I think would be more challenging, here are some great ideas I found on all over the web:

-Wrap several little inexpensive toys and trinkets in gift wrap. Every hour or so, or when things are getting hairy, give the kids with a new "present" to unwrap.

-Wrap a lap tray in felt and place felt cutouts in a zip lock bag.

-Crawl in the backseat with them and read stories, count the red cars, and look at the cows.

-Leave at 4 am. This sounds horrible but then I am NOT a morning person, but many moms swear by it because the kids sleep for the first 3 to 4 hours of the trip.

-Buy some strange stuff for imaginative fun. Some ideas, aluminum foil, scotch tape, and bandaids, use your imagination here.

This one takes some preparation record yourself reading some of his/her favorite books. When you are in the car, hand him the book, cue up the iPod or CD and BINGO you are "reading" with them in seconds. A plus is to make sure you are familiar enough with the books to jump in and say stuff like "Are you on the page with the blue dinosaur on it?"

Of course, no road trip would be complete without snacks. Make a bag for each child with their own snacks inside. It is also fun to have some other treats stashed away that you can pull out when the kids are restless. Like lollypops, as one mom said (and I am quoting here) “they are great for shutting up pieholes!”. ;o)

On your rest stops and gass ups don't underestimate the power of doing "grown-up" stuff related to the trip. Checking tire pressure, looking at maps, pushing the buttons on the gas pump, looking for specific signs or landmarks are all good for breaking up the monotony of travel.

Lastly, a DVD player can be an easy way to entertain the kids while you are driving, but finding some family games and activities can help you bond with your children more and make the trip a better memory. If you have a DVD player in your car, try to use it as a last resort or at least don’t rely on it for all the entertainment.

Smiles, Monica

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Funny school photos

We just picked up our sons first school photo. He is in preschool so he is 3 ½. Now being that he is 3 we thought it would be prudent to talk to him about what was going to happen that day. As we dressed him we talked to him about the camera being there and it would probably be bigger then the one his Papa uses. As we combed his hair, just right, all the while knowing that in 5 minutes it would be a mess again, we practiced his smile.

He had the smile down, it looked good, very natural. He is a cute kid so how tough would it be to get a good picture. My husband and I dropped him off and said good luck. Then on the way home we wagered bets as to what would come out of the camera.

My husband had a hilarious story of a kid he taught that gave him a photo and, I am not lying, the kid was roaring. His hands up in full lion attack mode. As I wiped the tears away I started to think, maybe that is the photo I want. A photo where my son lets it all go, where he is himself, totally and unabashedly. A photo that will make everyone we give one to smile despite the kind of day they are having.

So I secretly hoped that when the camera man said smile my son pulled out his best “shrek” and stuck his tongue out, or crossed his eyes. This is what I got…

I have to say I am ok with it!

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Mama can I see it again? And Again? And Again…

After watching Kung Fu Panda for the 8th time this weekend I went to bed wondering why kids like repetition so much. Is it the familiarity, the consistency, the predictability? Well according to the experts yes.

I was thinking about it and was trying to put it in terms I could understand. And it came to me in a flash – Adults do it too. Think about the last time you went to a new restaurant and ordered the best dish you ever had. Then for the next few days that is all you can think about. A week or two later (when you can rationally tell yourself it is ok to go back to the restaurant) you go back and instead of ordering something new you order the same thing. Flash to the next 3 or 4 more times you go to the restaurant each time ordering the same thing. Why do you order the same thing? Is it a fear of having tried something new and being disappointed or knowing what we have missed, the predictability, the familiarity? Yep you betcha!

But then one day you order the other dish you have been eyeing only to discover it is better then the first dish you tried. HoooRAY! Now the next time you come will you stick with dish #2 or go for dish #3, or even back to #1? So many new options to choose from.

So adults have the rational that we could try something different and discover a new favorite where kids don’t have that experience. They love knowing what is coming next. They can predict it and there is comfort there. Yet they also know they like it and as they are driven by impulse, especially at age 2 through 4, they want it again and again to experience the same thrill over and over again.

What can you do? Well you can try to introduce a new dish, or you can sit back and watch Kung Fu Panda and memorize all the lines, and spend some time enjoying the experience with your kid.


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Step Parenting Pit Falls

I come from a home of step parenting gone wrong, really wrong. So to say I am jaded a bit by this subject would be an understatement. However, on doing my research and trying to be objective I did learn a few things about how easy it is to become a step parent and how hard it is to become a good step parent. I have to say I found some things that I think would have helped my family. These steps are for the parents, not the kiddos. Mostly because I am a big believer that the children need to be lead not forced down this path, by the biological parent and the step parent and it is the parent’s responsibility.

I wanted to go beyond the usual stuff. Of course you want to communicate, both with your spouse and with the children, of course you want to be honest, be flexible, and have patience. All of these things are the standard advice when doing the research. I want to give more both from the research and the personal side of it.

First things first: discipline. This is a touchy subject for anyone who was disciplined by a step parent. Kids can harbor some pretty harsh feelings if it is not done right. How do you do it, right, good question. Each family will be different but I think it is important to discuss discipline as a family. The new family unit should get together and discuss whether or not everyone is comfortable with the step parent garnering disciplinary powers. Sometimes it is the step P that is unwilling to discipline, preferring to be an “adult friend” or a “aunt/uncle type”.

Many studies I found said that it could take up to two years for a child to feel comfortable enough with a step P to accept discipline from them. Not to far off if you think that a biological parent you spend at least six months with your baby before discipline really kicks in. Step P’s have to build that trust first, then attempt authority. Some step Ps prefer to act as an advisor for the children rather then a disciplinarian.

Second: remember that you love your spouse enough to accept him/her with kiddos. You should respect your spouse enough to care for his/her kids. You don’t have to become their parent, you don’t have to be their friend but you do need to act like the adult and respect them. That will go a LONG way toward building the relationship. Remember the last time you started a new job? Did you jump right in and start bossing people around? Or did you get the lay of the land first and then make adjustments as needed. This approach is similar to how you might put together a blended family.

Lastly, try not to take things personally. Kids can be thoughtless and sometimes cruel without meaning to be, and in other cases they can be purposely cruel. How step Ps react is important. Sometimes a negative reaction to a child’s intentional slight will ignite a flame that may leave scars for years to come. Take a deep breath talk to your spouse on what you BOTH should do about it. A united front will send a message that respect needs to go both ways. As a step P you asked to become a part of this existing family, you need to take all the steps necessary for it to come together, don’t ask or demand the kids make all the effort, this could bread resentment.

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Should you discipline other people’s kids???

The other day my mom visited me and brought along my nephew, age 4. Since my son is 3 we thought it would be great for them to visit, play and start building a relationship with each other. I have a cousin who is my best friend and has been all my life, so I would love to give that to my son. The visit went well with the boys, they were calling each other best friends and had a blast.

I on the other hand had a harder time...

Now keep in mind a few things, my sister and I had a hard time growing up. Our childhood was less then constructive with a verbally and sometimes physically abusive step father. So we are uber sensitive to discipline. With my son I use timeouts. I don’t use them as punishment but as a true “time out” to gather, reset, and sometimes calm down. Spankings are reserved for serious items that need some immediate reinforcement, things like running out into the street.

My nephew is a well behaved child, knows the rules and is mild mannered. This was his first trip away from Mom and visiting us in Denver. So he had some stressors, add the Halloween candy and over stimulation and now we have a time bomb. He got wound up and started yelling at my mom, she tried to deal with it but he was telling her “it is all your fault” and crying uncontrollably.

Time for my conundrum, do I interfere or do I let it go? Well I interfered, assuming (wrongly) that my sister would use the same techniques I used on my son. I thought to myself, he needs to reset and regroup, so I put him in timeout. WOW was that not the right thing to do. He exploded.

I am talking about this not to admonish my sister and her discipline strategies but to show what happens when we assume. It was wrong of me to assume that what I do with my son would work for my nephew, because we don’t have that history or relationship.

Disciplining other people’s kids is a slippery slope that I prefer to stay off of, but what do you do when you have kids at your house and something comes up? How do you deal with it?

Thinking about giving your kid money? Think again…

My husband cannot save money. It is not genetic, it is a learned lesson from his mother. If he has $5, he will go buy someone lunch, he is generous and giving to a fault. I am a saver, a militant saver. My behavior was a learned behavior as I watched my mother make some less then good decisions in her life because she did not have money. I decided at an early age I would never be without money, because money provides you with options. Needless to say we differ greatly on our attitudes towards money.

Now enter our son, how will we teach him what he needs to know about money without giving him our “baggage”? How do we both give our son the good things about money and not make money distressing for him? Setting his money blueprint correctly can be the difference between him feeling like he has enough money and feeling like he doesn’t deserve to have money. Money can be emotional and our goal is to teach our son that money is money without emotion, without baggage. How to do it? Here are some ideas that will teach children and parents how to manage money and kids.

Set some rules for how your kids can earn the allowance for instance chores, grades, achievement of certain goals, etc… Some experts think parents should not link the allowance money to household chores as children should be expected to help out around the house because they are members of the family, not because they are paid. I believe, your values, traditions and the age of your children will all influence how you structure your plan. Your kids are individuals so don’t forget what may work for one, may not work for the other. Plan individually if need be.

Once they are earning some money, develop a structure where your kids make most of their own day-to-day financial decisions. That way, they learn to plan their expenditures and shop for value. One mom wrote that she and her daughter went to a carnival with some other parents and kids and she gave her daughter $5 and called it HER money and told her she could do anything she wanted with it. Suddenly her daughter did not want all the candy and toys, she wanted to save her money for another day.

Help your kids decide how much money they want to spend and how much to put away. Make them a chart that keeps track of their money so they can watch it grow. This is how my husband and I are trying to give our son the good of what we both have rather then the bad. Save some and spend some, have a plan and execute on it.

Let them spend some of it and be silly. Part of the fun of having money is spending it. Once they are old enough to want something big like an X-box or a as they get older a car, sit down with them and put a plan together. Give them options of how to earn extra money, i.e. selling your stuff on ebay for commission, getting a part time job, extra chores, etc... Also, if you are inclined, offer a matching funds program, especially if it is an educational item. One mom that came into my husbands store had a 10 year old that wanted nothing more then an iMac, so he and his mom sat down and created a matching funds plan and within 4 months the boy had earned over $700 doing odds and ends for neighbors, the mom matched dollar for dollar. He really appreciated the computer and took impeccable care of it.

Letting your kids spend their money teaches them the value of things and how to use money wisely. Make sure your kids only spend what they have. Do not loan money against the allowance they will receive. Teaching them to spend only what they have is an important lesson about credit that they will need in the future.

The Witching Hour – That seemingly endless 4 hours of crying…

I was visiting some friends of mine and they have newborn twins girls (so cute), and they were talking about the witching hour. I had forgotten about that time from 6 to 10 (some babies are longer and some blessedly are shorter) where your baby seems inconsolable, and nothing you do seems to soothe or help. Ahhh, how time is kind to help us forget it. Here are some thoughts and ideas on what to do when you are in the middle of the witching hour.

Just hearing “you are not the only one” doesn’t always help in the heat of the moment but it can soothe your feelings to know that 40% of babies are found to have colic or colic tendencies. So in other words, you are doing a great job, it is not you. A long as your baby is safe, you are keeping a cool head, you are doing what you can as a new parent. Here are a few things to keep in mind…

First, this to shall pass, it may take longer then you want, but it will end. Some babies get over it in 2 weeks some take 8. I remember being told 6 weeks was the ‘magic number’ and I thought, ok I can make it 6 weeks, right. My son went on and on till 8.5 weeks (but who was counting).

Second, this is one time when people's outlandish advice/stories may actually help. Listen to everything and as long as you are comfortable with it (and it is safe for the baby) try it. My son slept in his swing for 4 months, my niece slept in her car seat for 3 months and another mom I know ran the hairdryer so often she finally recorded it and played it for her daughter for 3 hours a day. Stranger things have worked.

Lastly, below is a BIG collection of some other tips, tricks, advice, ideas, that I found on the web. Try one try them all.

-Breastfeeding a LOT, the theory is that in the evening babies need more food in smaller quantities, so let them nuzzle and feed all they want for those 3 hours. It may be a bit intolerable but isn’t it better then the crying?
-Putting the baby in the infant seat on top of a running clothes dryer. The shimmying and noise of the machine are supposed to soothe the baby.
-Running the vacuum cleaner/hair dryer / white noice near the baby. Have you ever heard the racket the baby heard while in the womb? It was noisy.
-Taking the baby into a silent, dark room and walking or rocking slowly, to remove as much external stimulus as possible.
-Taking the baby into a bright room with lots of background noise, to add as much background stimulus as possible. See what I mean about trying everything and then the opposite of everything…
-Putting on loud music. Try everything from Van Halen to Enya.
-Driving the baby around in the car. My son hated the car so this one was not an option for me but it works for other babies.
-Strolling the baby outside. This seems to be especially effective in cold weather, for some reason, just put a hat on them.
-Bouncy seats or swings, although some kids who like them at other times of day hate them in the evening.
-Walking the baby around in a sling, wrap, bjorn, mei tai, or any other body-carrying device.
-Gripe water, Chamomilla or other homeopathic treatments, or Mylecon drops.
-Infant massage – especially around the belly and intestinal area.
-Infacol -you give it to them just before you feed them and its supposed to reduce colic.
-Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp? He offers the "5 S's" which will soothe baby. Swing, Shhhhhh, Side/Stomach positioning, Sucking, Swaddling.
-One mom on a blog said this “lay her on your arm, tummy down with her head resting in the crook of your arm. I cleaned the kitchen and walked with her and a lot of the time she passed right out”
-For bottle fed babies some of these studies suggest the administering of a probiotic, such as Lactobacillus acidophilus or Lactobacillus reuteri, will improve the condition. Probiotics have been shown to improve other conditions associated with colic, such as lactose intolerance, necrotizing enterocolitis, and gastric inflammation. In addition to that probiotics have been shown to generally improve the health of children who take them. (wikipedia)
-Another tip from wikipedia: Many parents have also discovered a link between food and colic - and if the child is breastfed, it could include the food ingested by the mother. Dairy products seem to top the list as possibly problematic. It has been suggested that the mother eliminate all sources of dairy from her diet for a week and note any changes in her baby's condition (wikipedia)
-And yet another Wikipedia tip: There is also the theory that rubbing warm olive oil on the hands and feet, then rubbing the stomach with olive oil in a clockwise motion will cure colic. (wikipedia)
-Positions that keep the baby's tummy warm such as laying tummy down on a warm (not hot) water bottle or across the parent's lap can help with gas pains and cramping.
-Remember to relax yourself. If you are amped up your baby may pick up on that energy. If you can get 5 to 10 minutes away do so and go relax. Then when you go back you will be better able to deal with a crying baby. Babies will not break if you leave them in their crib to cry while you sort some things out. This is precisely why I made my Swaddling Mama CD, to soothe and relax the mama so you can take care of your child.

Good luck and good parenting!

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Traditional Cake: Maple Bacon Cupcakes

Traditional Cake: Maple Bacon Cupcakes

Important Things Not to do when raising children

Raising a child is an awesome responsibility. Once you are a parent it becomes apparent how ill equipped you really are, and all you want is be the best parent you can be. I have done some research on some BIG (and I mean BIG) things of what not to do. So often you read about what to do, this once I want to focus the things you should not do to make sure that your family life remains as perfect as it should.


First of all you must appreciate the fact that children are innocent and they are immature. They are not able to understand if their parents pay more attention to any one out of them. As parents it is important to pay attention to all of your kids. Lack of attention may be destructive for the kids. You should not create this favoritism. The squeaky wheel gets the grease but don’t forget the one that runs perfectly without question. Ignoring that wheel will quickly create problems.



Secondly, do not discourage your kids – let me repeat do not dishearten your kids. Give them opportunities to excel, experiment and success. In the end they will be better kids and you will be the best parent you can be. For example, my cousin will not sing out loud to this day because her mom told her she could not carry a tune in a bucket. I know my aunt did not mean that “silly” comment to have the lasting effects it had, but it did. Help them to become more confident. If your kids will feel that you are genuinely interested in their lives they will actually feel at home with you and will be more cooperative. They will start talking to you and they will share their thoughts, hopes, fears, and dreams with you. That is the end goal to being the finest parent you can be.


Lastly, you may have very good reason for criticizing your kids about something because you think you are being realistic, but think about it from your child’s point of view. They may not be able to appreciate this. They may not be able to take it positively. If they are doing something wrong, discuss it with them. Tell them to correct themselves but in a way which is not insulting to them. Kids at any age are very sensitive. They are over emotional. Treat them with love and care, other wise they will start reacting in a negative way. You should not punish them for little mistakes, help them learn from them and move on. The best way to go about it is to talk to them. Discuss the problem with them. Half of the problem will be solved automatically if you make them believe that you are there to listen to them. Not doing all these above mentioned things will ensure you can be the parent you have always wanted to be.


You must give your family all due importance as this is the unit which helps you learn the most. This is the family unit which helps in molding your personality. These people are very important. Thus you should be careful about the way you behave with your family.

For more parenting secrets click here.


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To Test for Gifted Program or Not? What do you think?

My cousin and I chatted about this one and I thought it was important to ask this question, should she have her daughter tested for the gifted program?

I will interject here that she was in the gifted program in school and I was not so we have both view points going into this dilemma. Plus, both her brother and my sister were in the gifted program. Apparently, in the smartypants tree, I just fell out of it.

My first thought is this, why do we call it “gifted”? Isn’t there a better term? Aren’t we all “gifted” in some way? I may be a MIT graduate but can I fix my car? I may be a gifted salesperson but does that make me a good sales manager? I may be as dumb as a stump but I can throw a 95 mile an hour fast ball, etc…

Perhaps we should stop labeling and just call it an advanced studies class, because that is what it really is. Then maybe, just maybe we can get beyond the first question of do I let my kid or insist my kid get tested. Test everyone.

How do you present it to that they are going to be tested in the first place. Second question is what happens when your kid doesn’t make it into the gifted program? How do you break this news to you child? Telling your kiddo they are not “gifted” sounds about as fun as slamming my finger in the door.

My cousin did not want her daughter tested, I think her exact words were “not only no but hell no.” She felt it did not offer much in the way of “real world skills” and didn’t seem to help her brother and my sister much when it came to motivation and application. I agreed, it almost seemed like it gave some of the participants in there an “I am gifted, I don’t have to work at it” attitude. Then when things got hard outside the classroom there was no application on how to function or study for that matter.

I will explore more in the next blog as I have a lot to say on this one… look for part two and here is a good link to how to increase your or your child’s IQ (to prep for the gifted test).


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How long does it REALLY take to lose that baby weight?

Well, it is different for everyone. Sadly there are people like me who didn't lose it till my kiddo was 3 years old. Then there are others, those women we love to hate, that lose it the day they give birth and walk out of the hospital in their old non maternity jeans.

For me the thought of being pregnant again was scary enough to send me to an IUD with hormones, my body does not do well on hormones. I gained more weight. Pulled the IUD after 2 years and started dropping some of the weight and I stress SOME.

It wasn't until I was going to try out for an audition that I really got my act in gear. I started running again, doing yoga, boxing, and tai chi (my new love). Started making my portions smaller, and really looking at what I was eating. You know what I am talking about - those 2 pm snacks of twix and milkyways, the sit in front of the tv and eat ice cream.

I am not a fan of starvation or denial I just cut back. And the pounds fell off. I don't believe food makes you fat - a LOT of food makes you fat.

Where did I find the time - believe it or not it is about making the time to exercise. I got up at 6 am to work out in the morning (and I am NOT a morning person).

Want a proven secret on how to lose that baby weight? Click here

Helpful Hints for Potty Training

So your child was showing all the signs of being ready to potty train but now, you started and hit a roadblock.

Explaining to your toddler that going potty is a normal process of life and everyone does it, even animals is not the answer but it is a start. However, kiddos don’t always learn by rational talk –some times they have to see it with you or perhaps other kids. Find some educational and entertaining videos of their favorite characters learning to go potty like Elmo uses the Potty. Be sure to involve other family members in the process and emphasize the importance of consistency during this process – it really does take a village. If you are comfortable let your kid see you use the bathroom and flush explaining the process as you go (it can be embarrassing but if it works – who cares?).

Make a special trip to the store and purchase new underwear with your toddler. Let them have a voice in what you get. The underwear will have much more significance if your toddler helped choose them.

Overalls, pants with lots of buttons, snaps or zips, tight or restrictive clothing and oversized shirts will all be an obstacle to your child during this process. Put these kinds of clothes away for the time being. Better yet let your child run around naked or at least pantless (weather permitting of course).

Try a strategy like using pull up and if it doesn’t work after a month it may be time to try something else. For my son it was better to not use pull ups because they were just like diapers, we let him go commando – worked like a charm (only pee at first we will talk poop later – that was a challenge all on its own). For our neighbor she found some “special” thicker underwear specifically for potty training online that worked really well. Remember, to be flexible and don’t be afraid to back off if your kiddo gets obstinate about going to the potty.

Remember all kids are different and not all of them will respond to the same thing. To get my son to poop in the potty it took a full year (and a lot of different approaches) after he could pee in the potty on his own. At this age kids have unrational fears that no matter what rational explanation you give they will hold on to it. Be patient and creative. To finally get my son to poop in the potty we cut a hole in the diaper for 5 days and each time the hole got bigger and soon enough he stopped asking for a diaper. It was something about the security of having a diaper on while sitting on the potty.

Praise your child for each successful trip to the potty for my son it was high fives and kisses, and comfort them when accidents happen and try to remain patient and calm when they do have accidents. Just keep trying and be creative.

Be the best parent you can be... click here

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